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Mother Theresa and Mahatma Ghandi were my parents but they had important careers,so they sent me to boarding school near the fountain of youth.Being of peace-loving stock,i could never understand why i received so much corporal punishment.This led me to mull over several revolutionary ideas and was one of the reasons i ran away to Argentina. It was here that i met a young medic called Che' Guevara and suggested that we explore the continent on a motorcycle.During this adventure, i realised Che' had violent tendencies,so i sugested a holiday on a little island called Cuba to chill him out.(you can lead a hoss to water but you can't make him think!)
I went to San Fransisco to start my own gang called "the Hippies".Things were going swimmingly and i had several summers of love under my belt when the government ruined it all by inventing hard drugs.
I took up martial arts to center myself and moved to Hollywood to escape the limelight.Soon i was an instructor and after inventing the roundhouse kick,i spawned a whole new genre of movies.One of my students was a kid called Charles Norris.I chucked him around some whilst getting in touch with my comedic side.There was this other chubby kid called Arnold, with a thick German accent who clearly wasn't going to cut it as a serious actor,so i mischievously suggested politics(who would've guessed?).
I was slowly starting to realise how two dimensional my life was and it was over a beer with my good friend Homer Simpson that the penny dropped.After recovering it i decided to complicate my life so i went to Donald Trump for some advice.
He told me to "build an empire" but i was so distracted by his hair i thought he said "be an umpire",so i moved to Plett and opened an indoor cricket arena............

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*Some names,dates, places and events have been altered to protect the innocent.

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